My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
