i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
