Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
