I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
