Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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