Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize