see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
