is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
