Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just invented taco cereal.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Shame - the story of my life.
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