we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's never too late to be topless.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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