Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
