Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
