it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
