So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
