She said her name was "party"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
