Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
