he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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