The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
