I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
