there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
