My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
