this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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