im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
