what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
