I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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