You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
