Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
