I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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