my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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