I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
