Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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