No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize