yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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