Porn is love you can see.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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