I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize