you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
