when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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