whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
