Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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