Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
