i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He kissed a someone with a penis
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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