Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
