she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
