My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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