I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
