She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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