i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
