I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
