I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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