babies were throwing up all over the place
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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