i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
