I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize