so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
