i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
