Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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