yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
