I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize