i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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