So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
