Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
