he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
