so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
