i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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