No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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