I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
