that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
