There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
