Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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