you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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