you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
