I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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