we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize