I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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