I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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