I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
BRING THE BAGELS
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
