He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
