i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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