i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
