It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
