I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Sober January is a disaster.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
