Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
